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#TimeToTalk 2018

1 Feb

Hey everyone! How are we? Hope you’re well and thanks for joining the blog again!

I’d just like to start off this blog by celebrating the fact that it’s BLOODY FEBRUARY!!! At last!! (*Insert celebratory dance*) I think a lot of people can probably relate and rejoice with me when I say thank GOD January is over. What a bleedin month it’s been. January blues is always the hardest and it seems everyone and anyone has been ill this month including myself! My last blog detailed my fun journey with two bouts of the flu! This week decided to challenge me even more when I came down with a tooth infection! JOY! (Still battling with it currently. Shall update you on the next blog) I keep praying for the day where I don’t have an illness to battle but hey ho, at least we’re getting them out of the way at the start of the year!

Anyways, back to the point – January is over and February is here. SCORE!

I’ve noticed today that February 1st has somehow become a day to mark a lot of occasions. Apparently it’s the beginning of LGBT History Month along with Black History Month (yay equality!) which was unbeknownst to me until I checked twitter today. February also marks the month of Valentine’s Day and shrove Tuesday! (Gimme dem pancakes yaaaaaas)

For me, today marks the 20 day countdown until I go on my trip to New York City (!!!!!!) – BUT more importantly than that, today is #TimeToTalk day in relation with all things mental health! I can’t say that I’ve ever heard of this day before. I’m not aware if it is a yearly thing or a one off campaign but the purpose of it is to spread the message worldwide that when it comes to our mental health and our emotions, it is bloody well ok to talk to someone about it! I’ve seen that Theresa May and the government and mental health charities and social influencers are all publicising the cause so it’s a national/worldwide thing by all accounts!

If anyone has been following my blog for the last few years, you’ll know that I’m an absolute preacher and an advocate for this message. As someone who has first hand struggled with their own mental health issues and been the type of person to hide their problems, I’ve truly learnt the gift and the benefit of speaking up! You can read more about my personal journey here but what I learnt from my experiences is that bottling up your problems and hiding everything away can be and will be THE most detrimental thing you could ever do to yourself and your health. 

There is a very unfortunate stigma attached with mental health and speaking out about your problems with a perception that you will somehow come across as a weak person. All of a sudden a dark cloud looms over you and you’re apparently incapable of being a functioning person. It’s just not true. The most successful people in the world can look like they have it all and still sit alone in a room behind closed doors and think they are worthless. Your mental health and your problems do not define you as a person. They are just a part of you and everyone has many different coping mechanisms with all of it, but the one common thread that will always help anyone suffering with a mental health issue is sharing that problem with someone. Whether it’s face to face, over the phone, via email or text, to a family member or a complete stranger – there is a natural releasing and reassuring feeling from speaking your thoughts. It’s the only way that we can actually function as humans. Contact and communication. Without it we are absolute hermits in isolation and that’s no way to live! Trust me, I’ve attempted the hermit life on many occasions, determined that I don’t need anyone else and that I WILL live my life from the comfort of my own bed… only to come to the realisation that actually, I’ve kinda got bills to pay and need to go to work! (Oops!) Don’t worry, we’ve all been there then had a word with ourselves but we snap out of it eventually!

No matter what I may be feeling, whether it’s anger, sadness, disappointment, frustration… the minute I start having my little rants or life chats with someone I know, I instantly feel better. Sometimes I will stay very silent and keep myself to myself praying for someone to ask me how I’m doing. Other times, I will approach people and speak how I feel. I think too often, a lot of us (myself included) always feel some strange sense of guilt or hindernece when it comes to offloading to others. 

Here’s a prime example of common thoughts that will most likely run through most people’s heads in such a scenario: “You know what? I feel really stressed about this piece of work. It’s getting me really flustered. What can I do? Oh god, I can’t rant to that person, I already had a rant the other day about something. And I definitely can’t text that person, I had a right old moan about something else last week to them. They’ll think I’m just depressing and negative! Oh god how will that make me look? They’ll just see me as some annoying depressed person. Nope, forget it, they just won’t understand it. I’ll just keep it all to myself, let it all bottle up and have a little meltdown until I eventually wallow in my sadness and frustration and hope it all just magically goes away!”  Ta-da!! Sound like you?! Haha! Don’t worry me too sometimes! It’s only natural for us to do it I guess but let’s turn it around people! I’ve often been that person who never wants to bother people with my issues but as time has gone on, I’ve learnt that it’s ok to offload. (Shoutout to all the wonderful people in my life that have constantly let me rant and speak to them about ANYTHING! Love ya long time xox) 

What’s important to remember is that I deserve happiness and I deserve to be listened to and so do you. It doesn’t matter how many times you rant about your issues, perhaps to the same person, perhaps to 5 other people. IT’S OK! Anyone who doesn’t take the time to listen to you or appreciate your problems is misunderstood and misinformed. They do not serve you purpose. Find the people or things in your life where you can feel safe to let go. This does not make you a burden. No one should ever feel like a burden and every one of your emotions is valid regardless of anyone’s opinion!

In my workplace, I am still striving to complete a goal in becoming a mental health first aider in my office. Today some of the first aiders put on a small #TimeToTalk event during work hours inviting everyone and anyone to come together to literally do exactly what the slogan says. Talk! Me and my friend popped over to the event and it was quite nice and positive! I was refreshingly amazed at the amount of men in the room when I first walked in. When we visited, there were about 5 men and 2 of us girls. In this day and age in particular, the stigma against men specifically is ridiculous! It seems that men are even more discouraged to talk about their emotions with fear they will look weak. It’s a ludicrous situation really that is still being tackled so to be able to see such a large volume of men in a room talking about their mental health was truly inspiring and wonderful to witness! I’m really excited for what the future holds with the development and improvement of mental health, particularly in the workplace. We still have a very long way to go, but to be a part of a strong development and progressional journey is fantastic. I really hope that more people can feel like they can start to talk more openly about their issues. I personally would always offer my time and advice to anyone who would need it so if anyone out there is reading this blog and you want someone to talk to, hit me up with an email or a tweet via my contact page and I’ll be here! If not I will leave some other links below for places to go and support services that can hear you out!

That’s all I wanted to say for now I guess! I hope the positive message can spread to at least one more person in this world and if you have enjoyed this blog then please do click on the share button and get it going around on social media because you could really be helping someone with their struggle!

Thanks so much for reading and ciao for now! Xo

Linkedy-links:

Please note, I’m from the UK, so these are UK based charities and resources that I am aware of. Plenty exist around the world if you are from afar so fear not and hit that google search!

Suicide prevention helpline – Dial 116 123

Samaritans – http://www.samaritans.org

(Side note about samaritans! Did you know that you can actually email them if you’re not comfortable on the phone? I’ve used this myself in the past and they provide a great service.)

Mind charity – http://www.mind.org.uk

Heads above the waves (popping these up as a local charity in the area of Cardiff as that’s where I’m from and know that some friends may see this!) – http://hatw.co.uk

StampOutStigma – http://www.stampoutstigma.co.uk

Found this great article by the NHS with a very large contact list of helplines for all sorts on the mental health scope! – https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/mental-health-helplines/

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2018, what’s good!?

25 Jan

Well hello there people of the internet world! How are you? Cheers for joining me back on the blog and hello if you’re new!

Guys. It’s nearly the end of January already. WHAT!? I know I sound like such a granny saying this but good god, time is flying!!! (Someone pass me my walking stick isit?) It only felt like 2 days ago I was stepping into the new year feeling like an absolute boss. Now I’m shitting my life thinking everything is about to end because we’ve nearly reached feb hahahah! But no, on a serious level, it’s bloody fantastic to be here for another year and to step into 2018! I have been longing for it for quite some time and I’m sure if you read my last blog post, you know that I was fully done with December and 2017 at that point. It was a tough old month and I was ready for fresh starts and what a fresh start it’s certainly been!

So, minus the fact that I had to take a whole week off work in mid January due to absolutely dyyyyyyinggggg with the bloody flu AGAIN (screw you aussies and your aussie flu!)…the month as a whole so far has been pretty great and positive! I am all about advocating mental health in my life and on the blog so am most certainly happy to share that the mental health side of things is going pretty well at the moment! It’s important to celebrate achievement and positivity and I don’t think we ever do it enough as a human race!

Back in November, I actually started writing a daily mental health journal in my iPhone notes. It was something I decided I really wanted to commit to and my god, I couldn’t recommend it enough! It’s my personal little space for rants and thoughts of all sorts. I log every single day (okay, maybe I missed one or two but hey, I ain’t perfect hunnay!) and I just write whatever is in my head and how I’ve felt about that particular day. I write out the most random stuff like what I had for tea that night or who I spoke to at lunch but I also delve into why I might’ve had a bad day or in fact a good day. Whatever it is, you name it and it’s going in the mental health journal! It’s my own little log book and I find it really helpful to dissect my feelings and my day to day life as to how I’m functioning. I feel like it’s great to read back on the diary too so I can reflect and better understand how my feelings develop and figure out what triggers my depression or mood swings etc. I am slowly getting conscious that my phone will run out of storage space with the amount I’m writing so I am considering transferring everything onto a paper journal before long so hit me up if you have any cute notebook recommendations!! (Bloody love a good notebook.)

Along with my little journal that I’ve been keeping, I’m also pretty regular with my gym sessions and swimming! Aside from the weeks where I’ve been dying of illness(trust me when I say guuuuurl, you did not wanna know or be near me when that flu came for me like a tsunami!), I’m actually quite proud of myself that I’ve been committing to at least 3 or so gym sessions per week. I don’t go crazy hard in the gym because I am someone who likes to take baby steps. If I dive in head first and drive myself like some crazy gym head, I know that it’ll wear off quickly and I won’t stick to it. So my more chilled (and sweaty,mmm!) sessions usually consist of 35-40 minutes of cardio activity like the bike, the treadmill or the cross trainer and then I reward myself with a nice swimming session in the pool after! I can honestly say that the swimming pool is my MOST happiest place ever. I have always been a water baby (in zodiac world, I am a cancer, aka a crab, aka a water sign, so it makes sense…) and the feeling of floating and being weightless and free in the water relaxes me to another level! I think the gym sessions are totally having a positive impact on me physically and mentally. It’s happening slowly but I have been losing a small amount of weight which is a cool thing to see and also my mindset is generally so much stronger than it was a few months ago. 

So all in all, with my little journal and my decent gym routine, focusing on these small goals along with eating fairly decently through the working week – it is keeping me super focused! It’s also making me spend a lot more time with myself which I think is a very underrated thing in this day and age. We all hate the feeling of being lonely but sometimes you have to embrace the alone time. It’s so good for your mind and this has been something I’ve been rekindling myself with in 2018 for sure. I went through a period of time of being very content with my own company and going travelling over a year or two ago, however I slipped out of that quite a bit during the second half of last year! I became very enthralled again with other people’s lives and problems and always yearned for attention and company of others otherwise I’d feel helpless and sad. I’ve made it a mission of mine to do more for myself this year and going forward because the detriment that can be caused by not looking after number one really can be quite catastrophic and I don’t think people know that enough!

So for me, it’s little goals, it’s good food, good sleep and a routine. For you and others, maybe gym or swimming or writing isn’t your thing! It could be music, dancing, cooking, exploring, drawing, talking. Whatever the task or activity may be, you have a way of looking after yourself and making yourself feel good and balanced! So if like me you’re pumped and ready for the year ahead then do your damn thing and show the world what you’re made of! Let go of things in the past that brought you down. Realise your self worth and you bloody strut that sexy ass of yours down that street with confidence hunnayyyy!! (The sass levels are high right now guys okay…)

I guess what I just wanted to get out of this blog is that 2018 is here, the saying “NEW YEAR NEW ME” may be laughed at and super cliche but it could not be truer and I am ready to smash life this year and I hope you come along for the ride with me! I’m happy to be kicking off the first blog of 2018 on a high and look forward to continue documenting what happens throughout the year! I hope anyone reading this has also had a good start to the year and if you haven’t then FEAR NOT MY FRIEND! You have another glorious 11 months to make up for it and change it around! 

Oh- PS! I am doing the greatest and most exciting thing (well I think) ever this year and that is: I am recording 1 second of every day of this year and making it into one big video at the end of 2018!! I know that might sound weird but being a lover of media and all things video and music etc- this makes my little heart tingle with excitement! I saw some people do it last year and I think it’s honestly the nicest thing to keep and look back at. I will admit it is an absolute MISSION having to think of something good to film every bloody day for 365 days of the year but so far it has gone fairly successful. I do chuckle to myself watching back my month so far and notice that 80% of my 1 second clips is either me eating food or me sitting in a dressing gown under a blanket with tissue roll in my hand from flu infested days in bed haha! I’m so excited to finally share the end product at the end of this year so stay bloody tuned for that one folks!

In other news – I am going to New York in feb (ahhhhh!!!!) so should have an awesome blog to follow that trip in the next few weeks so catch you on the flip side with that!

Thanks for reading and ciao for now! Xo

The Winter Blues

20 Dec

Hello everyone! Hope you’re well and happy Christmas! 

Bloody ‘ell, it’s Christmas! How are we 5 days before Xmas day? Just how!? It’s the most manic time of the year and I think it’s safe to say, we’ve all lost our marbles. I’ll be honest with you December, you’ve not been my bloody friend this year! 

For lots of people, December and Christmas time is the happiest time of the year and everyone is filled with joy and happiness and festivities! Ho ho NO! Nope not for me. And I’m sure for a lot of other people you feel the same!! I think it’s often forgotten that depression and stress can really take its toll on us during this winter period. The phrase “winter blues” as they call it is often thrown around and it’s definitely not to be underestimated! I thought it’d be worth writing this blog to reach out to the masses who may also be struggling or have been struggling this winter! Don’t worry, you’re not alone!

I’ve always been the festive type growing up and have often associated Christmas as a happy time. I’ve been THAT person who builds up the whole month like a mad Christmas lady. Whacking on the Christmas jumper, the Christmas tree is up pronto, the deccies are out in full force and I’m blasting out the Christmas tunes for a solid month. 

Well, not this year folks, not this bloody year! I’ll be honest, I’ve been a bit of a bah humbug this year but purely for good (I hope) reasons. As I mentioned, I’ve always been the type to build up the festive season for as long as I can but the negative that usually comes with that is the actual Christmas days (eve,day and Boxing Day) end up being so depressing and boring. I usually wear myself out by the time it comes around and end up feeling so anti climatic and deflated for the big event. This year I thought no, I’m taking a stand and I’m switching up my mindset surrounding Christmas. Wether or not you agree with the method is your prerogative but I’m hoping my method is going to pay off for me come Christmas Day. I’ve decided to chill out on the build up this time. I don’t even have a tree in my flat, what an absolute Scrooge!!! (Although to be honest, that purely came down to laziness and logistics but I digress…) I put up some Christmas lights and table decorations in the lounge but that’s it really. I’ve not soaked up any Christmas atmosphere and I am skipping the music channels any time I bloody hear Mariah Carey screaming All I Want For Christmas! I’m doing this really in the hopes that the lack of long term build up will result in short term fulfilment on Christmas Day! I’m already so excited to just eat good food and do nothing but that’s it. Once we’re done with the initial days, I am so ready to move onwards to 2018. I know some people will read this and think, Jesus Christ, negative Nancy is on a rampage but stick with me on this! I think it’s about time we all started being a bit honest about the Christmas period. Everyone is expected to be happy and jolly but I’m pretty sure we all have had an absolute tit full already! Christmas and December is really not an easy time for some people and I’m sure we can all relate on some level. It’s not to say I loathe every single thing about the whole month because I really don’t! (It actually snowed this year which was so magical!!) However it’s just about addressing the reality and the honest side of the festive season which some people forget about.

If you’re an avid follower of my blog, you’ll probably be in tune with the jaunts of my mental health journey and where I’ve been at throughout the years! I always take one day at a time and go through the ups and downs but this December has generally been a right old struggle. General work madness and busy times have really taken over my life in the last few weeks and I’ve found it difficult. I’ve been back and forth to the dentist having root canal treatment (let me tell you kids, IT AIN’T FUN!!). I’ve been summoned to complete jury service 2 weeks before Christmas which if you’ve ever done jury service before, you’ll understand the absolute faff of it all and not knowing whether you’re coming or going! (It was however super interesting and felt like I was on a tv programme!! Maybe I’ll keep this as a future blog idea-stay tuned!) The flu hit me uber hard this month too and I’m still suffering as I write this! My body has been absolutely battered with illness and trying to cope with that and the cold weather amongst attempting to be a functioning adult, attending Christmas social gatherings and battling the Christmas shoppers… all in all I guess you could say it all came to a bit of a head recently and I had a bit of a mini meltdown in work. You’re probably thinking, dear god woman get a grip!! It’s only Christmas, you don’t need to lose your mind over it! But that’s the joy of having a mental illness! Everything just becomes too much and it all crumbles down because you’re too busy trying to power on. I don’t know what happened but I just lost it. I’d been pushing and fighting for so long through this godamn month of madness and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I think physically I was just defeated from the illness but my lord, the struggle had been real! God bless my wonderful manager for listening to my whailing and complaining about my life as I sobbed and snotted into my hands. (Mmm… a true vision.) Honest to god, I don’t know how she copes with me! To be honest, I thought I’d already had my December/winter breakdown back at the beginning of December when I truly had a Bridget jones moment. Queue seperate story time:

It was a dreary Monday. I’d been on a real positive streak for a good week or two and then the downward spiral came. I knew it would happen soon enough but I didn’t quite prepare myself for the iconic ‘mare monday’ as I like to call it. I’d been feeling generally quite anxious and tired the day before because Monday was to be the first day of my root canal treatment. I’d been dreading it for weeks and I had to go on my own to get this shitty dental work. I tried to be a positive polly. I’m generally really brave when it comes to doctors and hospitals etc but oh good lord I was not prepared for the pain that was about to come!! Fast forward 3 or so hell-ish hours later, I’d had the horrific root canal and I was back at my flat. I had a food delivery coming to my flat fairly soon and just wanted to get it sorted. I was so done with this Monday already so all I needed was the food to come and I could just relax. I laid on my bed in agony, face feeling like a balloon and I suddenly heard the noises of the delivery van. Fantastic, the delivery has arrived! My phone starts to ring so I answer it to the delivery driver who is just outside. “Hi yeah you’re gonna have to come downstairs and collect your shopping”. Um what. No honey NOOOO. You have picked the wrong day and the wrong person to say that to. I paid this company a delivery fee for them to DELIVER the food order to my door. To.my.door. Not to my car park floor. To.my.door. I’d recognised this tricky delivery driver from a previous time and he tried this on with me before. Last time, like the pushover I am, I gave in and went downstairs to carry the extremely heavy boxes up my two flights of stairs to my flat. Despite the fact I shouldn’t have, I still did. On this day, there was a fire raging within me (and probably a shit ton of anaesthetic and pain killers in me too, ahem). “No I am not coming downstairs to collect it. I am not strong enough to carry 3 crates of shopping by myself. I have paid you a delivery fee to bring it to my door so I need you to bring it up.” This bloke was having none of it. Giving me some bullshit excuse about how he can’t because it’s on the second floor. At this stage, I was ready to unleash the beast. “Right, well you’re going to have to call up another driver then to bring it to me please because I am not coming downstairs to collect it.” He huffed and puffed. I’d never spoken to such a rude man and up he trots up the stairs in disgust. He reluctantly placed my shopping by my door, said no words and walked off. He infuriated me to another level! I was not in the best state of mind but I decided to call the shopping company straight away!! I was polite to the poor lady receiving my angry call but good god did I unleash hell! I told her exactly what I thought of that rude man. I was being a typical Brit, speaking to a call centre and having a moan (rightly so though..). In my angst and frustration, the plastercine stuff that they glued into my root canal/damaged tooth popped off because of how enraged I became. And that was it. The cherry on top of the shit sundae that was ‘mare monday’. In my tiny shitty kitchen, tins of soup and various foods sprawled on the kitchen top, white dental plastercine somewhere on the floor. That was it. That was my low moment. The tears just flew out. There I am crying my eyes out in my kitchen because a stupid delivery man pissed me off. I actually stopped half way through my meltdown and laughed at how comical this moment was. I truly was having a Bridget jones movie moment and I couldn’t quite get over it.

So yeah, sorry about the tangent, but the point I was trying to make is that December has been bloody hard okay!?!? I’d like to think I’m not the only one who feels this way and would love to hear about your crazy Decembers! Side note – this is not to discredit all you fantastic festive babes in the world who bloody love a jolly holly Christmas! I’m sure you’re having the time of your life in your santa onesie drinking a glass of mulled wine, and bloody hats off to you, but I on the other hand am speaking out for the fellow grinches of Christmas!! Sod Christmas! Feed me the turkey, stuffing and gravy and let’s get on with it. Who’s with me!? Let’s crack on into 2018 already! I honestly can’t wait to get into 2018! I feel so pumped to get going with a fresh mindset, back and focused on the gym and I have an incredible trip to New York to look forward to in February! My next blog I’m sure will delve into the new year and my goals ahead for it!

So just a friendly reminder, if you feel pressure to put on a smile and be all jolly for christmas when in fact you’re really effin tired and couldn’t be more arsed, then just know you are not the only one who feels this way!! No one is judging you, we all feel your struggle and keep on fighting!

Thanks for reading, merry or un-merry Christmas to you all and ciao for now xo

PMA is the key.

7 Nov

Hello everyone! Hope you’re well and happy Tuesday! 

So here we are on the journey of megs mental health and general life. Such a thrilling tale it is(!) ho ho ho….

The last few blogs I realise I’ve probably sounded like a moaning Minnie but it’s just all part of the rollercoaster journey! I appreciate if you’ve stuck around! It’s been very up and down. I’ve had some positive moments and some not so positive moments but as this year is nearly drawing to a close (holy crap how is it December next month) I am feeling reflective this week and positivity is in the air!

I put a photo on my instagram earlier this evening of a screenshot from my iPhone notes. I sat in my room having a moment with myself about a month ago with thoughts running through my head and I decided to open up inotes and start listing some goals and some positive thoughts. I was so fed up of feeling down and negative so I forced myself to just write. There were 3 main ‘goals’ that I wanted to achieve and I jotted them down:

GYM

NEW YORK

FLAT

I guess when most people think of goals, they think of the long term future or something they’ve always wanted to achieve but never put their mind to it. I’ve always been one of those people to set goals, big or small. It’s something that I find stabilises myself and my mindset and it keeps me in routine. 

When you have something to work towards, there feels like a purpose in your life, something to tick off, something to make you feel accomplished. I feel like the last time I really set a list and ticked the goals off was back in 2013/14. At the time, they were just small goals: get a part time job whilst at university, pass my driving test and move out of my halls of residence. Looking back now they weren’t anything major but to me at the time they were such important things that I was clinching to. I ticked off all of them and it made me feel so proud and happy.

Life really does get in the way sometimes and for me and I’m sure many people, mental health is a hard thing to deal with. It’s certainly gotten in my way these last few years and when I sat there on my phone a month ago, typing out all these thoughts, it made me notice that I’d stopped making my goals list. I had no real goals, no aims, no motivation, nothing. I hadn’t changed that for so long but now here I am years later and I’ve written down a list and I already have 2 of my current 3 goals done and dusted. 

Yesterday, I re joined the gym and went tonight after work for a gym and swim. It was one of the best feelings in the world and I’d been longing for that feeling for months!! Money issues kept getting in my way which was preventing me from re joining but I’ve finally been able to do it this month and I couldn’t be happier. I posted a photo on instagram at the gym and within the hour I received 3 motivational messages from my lovely friends. All spurring me on and making me feel empowered. 

So another goal for me after the gym was to sort out my living situation. This week, I put a deposit down for my very own flat. Not rented, BOUGHT! I never saw this coming for me so soon and it took me by surprise but one of the most important things for me over this last year has been to get my own place and to stop renting and paying out for shoddy flats. Now I can finally say that I’ll be a homeowner and I won’t have to pay shitty agencies their endless fees. I won’t have to deal with ridiculous wait times for repairs and I can do what I want when I want. This year we had a flood in the flat I’m currently living in and it just turned everything into a nightmare. I can’t wait to be free from it and step into my own property so the fact that I’ve already ticked that bad boy off the list is unreal.

And so brings me to my last ‘goal’ and that is to get a holiday booked for New York! I went to New York earlier this year on my own and had the most incredible time of my life. I have fallen in love with NYC and me and my parents have plans to return next Feb which is so exciting and it looks like we could be putting a deposit down really soon for that trip. After a hard year working on myself and working hard in my jobs, I’m really looking forward to a well earned break and adventure!

So I guess the moral of the story is…set goals, achieve them and be god damn grateful for everything you have in your life. Feeling motivated and getting all this great stuff done has in no way been possible without the help of my close friends and family. I am so damn grateful for all of them and they’ve really helped me achieve them. My family have supported me to the moon and back in everything that I do and really helped me take the steps to get my flat. My friends ( you know who you are) have always encouraged me to go for what I want and always spurred me to re join the gym and do what makes me happy. I also have myself to thank and to pat my back because without me or my self belief I wouldn’t make these things happen. (Side note – I love how I just casually wrote a thank you speech in my blog as if I’ve just won an oscar or something hahaha! Don’t mind me, just practicing for my big day! Anyway, back to business…)

Too often, we let all of the negative things in our life shadow over the good. I think it’s important to send out a daily or weekly reminder to everyone that life is not all bad and that life can be everything you want it to be if you put your mind to it! 

Every day when I go to work, I wear a lanyard around my neck that reads ‘PMA IS THE KEY’ (positive mental attitude in case you didn’t know what PMA was). I got it from a local mental health charity group called Heads Above The Waves who I’ve been following for the last few years (they’re great btw – check them out here!) and I look at it everyday and it reminds me to stay positive. There are plenty of days where I ignore the bold writing around my neck and I spiral into negativity but it never takes me long to step out of it and look down at what’s right in front of me. PMA is the key and without it we’d all be bloody screwed so get your positive hats on folks!!

Thanks for reading and ciao for now! X

Lonely.

20 Oct

Hi everyone. Felt like writing a blog post because I have feelings in my head that I need to get out and if someone else can relate with me then great.

Today, I feel really lonely and vulnerable. I’ve spent all day alone and now I’m faced spending the whole night alone and this makes me sad.

None of my friends are around and there doesn’t seem to be anyone that I can spend my time with and that’s so hard to deal with.

For a long time, I’ve been accustomed to the feeling of loneliness and spent a lot of time in my own company but I’m honestly sick of it. I want to be with someone. I want to share memories. I want to laugh and cry with someone. Sometimes I don’t even want anything other than to be in a room with someone sat near me. It’s comforting. 

I don’t experience companionship like most people do. No one ever sends me cute text messages or asks me on dates. I don’t know what I’m meant to do to tackle this problem. I only ever try to work on myself and not force anything out there. Maybe I’m doing it all wrong? Should I be more daring? Do I sign up to something? I just don’t know.

What I do know is that this is one of my biggest triggers for my depression and anxiety. I have trust issues and fear of being abandoned by friends. It’s with me always and I wish someone would just pick up on that and send me a message to check in on me. 

I feel like most people would read this and think I’m just looking for attention or I’m doing it for the likes or some rubbish but I’m not. I just want my voice to be heard and I want someone to care.

This is just a continuation of my thoughts  from last week on mental health day. I’m getting real bored of the fact that no one takes the time to check in on a friend and say hi. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who does it. I want someone in my life to constantly show care. Am I asking for too much? Sometimes I think I am but other times not so much. 

Everyone takes so much time sharing shit on Facebook or stalking some celeb on instagram but no one texts a friend out of the blue saying, hey I’m thinking of you or hey you’re doing great. I wish the world had more of it.

I don’t know why this is making me feel so negative right now. I have plans to look forward to tomorrow hanging with a friend and I’m so grateful for that. I just think sometimes it’s too easy to get stuck in this rut of emotional thoughts and block out the positive things.

Man, mental health is honestly my biggest struggle. I’m so aware of the fact of how strong I am to continue onwards and this will never stop me in my path but sometimes you just need to put your thoughts out there and vent the frustration. 

I’ve never found it easy to do that with people or professionals and somehow this little blog thing on my phone allows me to feel free and express my feelings and thoughts.

I hate the thought of me being one of those people preaching negativity online and coming across as depressing but a little spark of hope inside of me hopes that by posting this type of stuff that it reaches out to another person or it connects me with someone else’s story.

If anyone else relates to my frustration, holla at me.

Thanks for reading x

Pushing forward.

30 Sep

“Share your story here…” says the default settings on this WordPress app. Well, share my story I will.

I haven’t blogged since April. Hot damn that’s been some time. But it’s fine because we cleared this up in one of my last blogs. I’m not here for consistent weekly blogs because #commitmentissues but anyway, it’s been a long few weeks and I think it’s time I blogged about it.

I hope you’re all well. I am good. I am surviving life as always! These last few months have once again been very up and down. There’s been a constant change in my work life but all of it for the good this time finally. I moved from a really depressing workplace hating my job to a place that values me so much more. I am busy doing work that challenges me and am rewarded in the simplest ways with better work hours and wages which makes me happy. I know some might think that sounds so simple but from working in terrible call centres and outsourcing companies who treat you like you’re a number, this is vast improvement for me!!!

It doesn’t all come in rainbows and sunshine though. I have felt depression creep up along the way which is just a part of me. I am happy in life and have great friends and family around but sometimes nothing can stop it from pulling you down for absolutely no reason! I’ve been feeling like it today and yesterday which makes no sense to me as I had the greatest start to my week going out to the theatre and enjoying the company of good friends but alas this is where I end up!

It’s a weird feeling, it’s really is. Sometimes there is honestly no actual reason behind it. Everything in my life is going very well so there’s nothing upsetting me at all. These chemical imbalances that go on in your brain and crazy hormones just like to pop up every now and again and mess with your head!

Nobody will ever understand it unless they’ve gone through it but I actually think more and more of us can probably relate to it now more than ever. My generation is built on the foundations of hope and we aspire to be things or do things that are splattered all over social media. Not all of it is realistic and I think that’s where our downfall comes. We are made to believe that unless we have our shit together by the age of 25, that the rest of our life is doomed. What a load of crap! 

I’m fed up of looking into the past and thinking where did it all go? Where am I going now? It’s about time we started living in the now and just enjoyed what we have in front of us.

It would be so refreshing if more people came forward and started talking out about how they feel and showed their vurnerable side. We are all guilty of bottling things up inside, (myself included) but it’s not a healthy thing to do.

Mental health awareness day is coming up soon I think so I’ll be interested to see who speaks out and what is said. 

There’s not much else to update you on at the moment, other than the fact that it’s more than halfway through the year already (whaaaaaat) , I need to re join the gym and that I am pushing forward!!!

Life isn’t always as grim as it seems and I need to remind myself of that from time to time. I’m gonna leave a few photos below of the good people and times in my life! Why don’t you share a few too?! Pass on the positivity ๐Ÿ™‚ 







Thanks for reading.

Ciao for now xo

13 Reasons Why.

6 Apr

It’s just hit 1am on a Thursday and I can only describe how I feel as being emotionally drained. I’ve had some time off work this week to just relax and catch up on TV and in particular over the last 2 days, I’ve been binge-watching a new Netflix series called ’13 Reasons Why’.

So, I know binge-watching or binge doing anything isn’t always the healthiest way to go about things but honestly, I just had to share my thoughts on this TV series. I’ve been hooked to it over the last 24 plus hours and it hit me so hard.

It’s making the rounds on social media at the minute and that’s what got me watching it. Everyone has been tweeting about it so I thought I’d check it out for myself.

The theme of the programme surrounds the impact of bullying, rape, teenage suicide and mental health on a selection of 17 year old high school students. This intense thriller follows the suicideย of a character named Hannah Baker. The premise of the programme follows the harrowing stories of Hannah Bakers suicide told by the girl herself and why she decided to take the path that she did. It’s a very sad and upsetting story but it’s also so powerful and meaningful.

Without wanting to give too much away, the journey of this sad tale is mainly lead byย one of the other protagonists, Clay Jensen. A previous friend of Hannah Bakers, Clay discovers a set of 13 tapes that were recorded by Hannah and so he takes us on his personal journey of learning about the real reasons behind the results of Hannah’s suicide.

The actors in this series, brilliantly display the hardships and turmoil that meet the high school students along the way. With the narrative going down the route of flashbacks and previous stories, it almost takes you on a backwards journey as to what happened. I was hooked onย every episode and couldn’t stop thinking about what was to come next.

I’m so glad that Netflix are promoting and creating such important and powerful content in relation to the topic of suicide and mental health. For so long, we’ve been battling with the stigma of suicide and to this day, it’s still being treated as such a taboo. 13 Reasons Why helps young people and older people alike to understand the effects that social pressures and bullying has on people at such a young age. I think it’s vital that school kids watch a show like this to understand the impact words and actions can have on others.

Hannah Baker ends her own life because of the actions of others. She is affected by so much surrounding her life and nobody takes notice as to why. Nobody talks and nobody takes the time to understand what is going on. These type of things are happening in the real world that we live in. Males in particular are being highlightedย to have such high statistics/rates of suicide. Campaigns like #itsoktotalk are helping us fight this problem and I really hope that the introduction of such a hard hitting TV series like 13 Reasons Whyย can continue to fight the battle. I’ve been so moved by this programme and truly hope that others can take something from it too.

As a way to round off this blog, I’d just like to state 13 reasons why you matter in this world. 13 Reasons why you should remind yourself to keep on keeping on and 13 reasons why you should always choose life.

  1. You are stronger than you think. Life throws you hurdles but you keep jumping over them. Go you!
  2. The sun is shining today. The sky is blue and clouds are nowhere to be seen. Go out and enjoy that sun beaming on your face!
  3. Pizza is a pretty great thing that exists in this world and it makes your life that much greater! Go grab yourself a slice of cheesy goodness.
  4. You are beautiful inside and out. Flaws and all and only you need to tell yourself that.
  5. The world is there to be seen. The world is there to be explored and there is always adventure around every corner.
  6. Struggles in life always seem tougher than they are at the time but all it takes is a little perspective and some time to reflect. Time heals all!
  7. Music is always your friend and always has a way of taking you through something. Stick those earphones in and escape to a world unknown!
  8. If music isn’t your thing, TV and film are always great ways of exploring and expressing yourself too. Try Netflix, try this show called 13 Reasons Why…… you won’t regret it!
  9. You matter to this world because you have a purpose! You have a skill to be shared, you have a story to tell and you’ll bloody damn well do it to the best of your ability!
  10. Always choose life because otherwise, when else can you drool over photos of Zac Efron shirtless?
  11. Sometimes, there is a greater path in life other than just you. You can use your voice to help others or to make things count!
  12. Keep on keeping on because you are going to be the stronger person.ย Stand up for yourself and tell that mean co-worker to stick it where the sun don’t shine. Hold your ground and stick with your gut!
  13. And finally, you matter because you’re you. And no one can replace you!

Cringe worthy life advice over. I’m no preacher but I think it’s nice sometimes to put some positivity out there! Do with it what you will, but I hope you’ve enjoyed reading! Let me know if you’ve watched 13 Reasons Why on Netflix. How did it make you feel!?

Thanks for reading. Ciao for now x