Life with PCOS

Hey blog. How’s it going? It’s been a few weeks since the last blog post. I think lockdown was the last update. Well, crikey moses who would’ve thought we’d still be here all these weeks later?

It’s been 4 months of pandemic/lockdown life in the UK and it’s been a real rollercoaster journey. So many things that I’m sure many of us can relate to in one way or another. Some of us are struggling with home working, others have lost their jobs, some parents may be finding it difficult to homeschool their kids whilst also trying to work and some are actually thriving in this new set up. I’m at a place right now where I’m sort of rolling with it. I had a few productive weeks followed by a few depressed and fed up weeks and now I’m in this middle spot where I’m kinda just ‘doing’ the thing and trying to survive each day. It still comes with a lot of ups and downs. I can’t say that this pandemic life is any fun at the moment. It’s the constant wait for something new to happen and for normal-ish things to come back to life. We are now on the brink of more normality at last with the shops mostly open and some outdoor restaurants and hairdressers opening today in Wales.

But anyways! Enough about the bloody coronavirus, what I’ve actually come here to write about today is PCOS.

No that’s not some hip new acronym/slang that all the kids are using these days (who says ‘hip?’ God I’m getting old…) but it’s actually a medical term.

Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS for short) is a condition that affects the way your ovaries work and is generally categorised under conditions that are related to having messed up hormones! I have recently been diagnosed with PCOS and am going through continuing treatments and appointments for it but it’s not something I’ve ever really spoken about on here. I thought it would be interesting to share some information about the fairly unknown condition. As someone who’s fairly new to understanding it all, it’s very difficult and frustrating trying to figure out the answers and look for helpful resources online so hopefully this can be a space for that or as a way to find others who suffer too! This is something that really affects me in a lot of ways in my life and I think it’s important to get some awareness out there for it at least.

There is no known cause for PCOS but it tends to run in families (thanks for the faulty genes mum and dad!…..love u really lolz) and it can cause a range of problems for women who have it. Irregular periods, bloating, potential infertility, depression, fatigue, weight gain, acne and excessive hair growth (usually on the face) are just a range of its symptoms. In the grand scheme of life, I am still breathing and can walk down the street freely and happily which I can’t complain about, however PCOS can be a very debilitating thing to have physically and mentally. I went through a phase and still do sometimes where I get extreme fatigue. I will have a lot of days where even after regular sleep, exercise and eating well, it will make me exhausted to a point where I need to lie down and sleep in the day. Most young people can function throughout the day without any extreme fatigue onsets and after following general healthy habits (good sleep,food and exercise) should in turn feel rewarded with a body that feels refreshed and full of health and strength…but PCOS rips that feeling away. Sometimes my body just feels like a rag doll with no life in it. My mental/mind is what carries me through life but the body can feel a bit left behind at times and not up to scratch strength wise. I think that often links me into depression too which is a tough one to deal with. The facial hair is a super bummer for my confidence and my bank account (lazer hair removal is not cheap let me tell you!!) and overall a lot of these symptoms can leave you feeling pretty rubbish about yourself, especially when you’re trying to do all you can to function as normally as possible.

The biggest problem I am experiencing right now and have done for a while is the weight loss battle. The cruel part of PCOS is that many women who have it also have insulin resistance, which happens when the body has difficulty pulling glucose from the bloodstream and converting it to energy. Therefore, the body needs to produce more insulin in an attempt to maintain a normal blood sugar level. Over time, the body begins to overproduce insulin to keep blood sugar levels normal. And insulin resistance is often cited as a large contributing factor to obesity.

So essentially you don’t have a lot of control here over the amount of insulin that your body creates which in result leads to weight gain! It is possibly the most demoralising and frustrating symptom to have out of all of them because sometimes no matter how much you track your calories or how much exercise you fit into your routine, your body is fighting against you. The good news is that it is possible to fix with medication and persistence in diet changes but it does take a lot longer in time than it would for your average person to lose weight. I have been on a journey for the last year or so trying to lose weight and have been using a calorie tracker all this time. I have made small progress which is promising but nowhere near to where I should or want to be. I’m currently awaiting an appointment for potential medication to help with it (Sadly delayed due to the pandemic) so I’m really hoping that will help with the problem!

I always find it so hard when I see others losing weight so easily whilst I’m putting in so much effort with little results. People with PCOS who are struggling to lose weight are not struggling due to lack of trying. It’s very hard when people make fun of your weight too when it’s not exactly something that you can easily control. Even up until a few weeks ago I was cat called in the street by some drunk middle aged man who called me ‘big momma’. And about a year ago, some teenager/yob speeding towards me on their bike shouted at me ‘move out the way fatty!’ in broad daylight. These are some of the most horrifying things that can happen to someone in general anyway (PCOS or not) and the effect it has on your mental health and self esteem is awful. I thought being called out for my appearance and being picked on for being fat was a thing of the past from my school days being bullied but clearly as a 27 year old woman, it cannot be escaped sometimes.

Luckily, I’d like to think I have a strong nature and character and can move forward from nasty comments but it’s always something that sticks with you in the brain which often comes to haunt you later down the line on a bad day. But to be honest, that’s probably a totally separate discussion to have on another blog post another day! (Let’s stop cat calling and being dickheads yeah? Cool.) I digress…

I guess the point is, it’s important to raise awareness about these type of invisible conditions because so many people struggle with the same thing and many people are very misunderstood. We as a society can be very judgemental when looking from afar. You might see me as an overweight girl and think ‘jeez why doesn’t she just stop eating so much food?’ when in fact what you don’t realise is that I eat a very normal amount of food, probably far less than the average person and consciously eat healthy and exercise. When someone constantly says ‘I’m so tired’ and you roll your eyes thinking ‘jeez why is she always moaning that she’s tired?’ , what you won’t know is that behind closed doors is a human body really struggling to sometimes keep up with their regular day who just needs to take it a bit more easy compared to someone else. When you’re thinking ‘god she’s a bit moody or miserable, why can’t she just cheer up?’….GUESS WOT HUN? Hormones are flying all over the damn place so occasional mental breakdowns are subject to take place maybe more frequently than you!!! *and breathe* 😂

Anyway sorry rant over! I didn’t want that to come across as a rant! I guess this is just something that has been a part of me for a while now so there comes a time where you need to speak your damn truth! But long story short, PCOS is a very strange condition to have and coming to terms with it recently has been a little difficult but I’m hopeful that it can be managed and I can continue on in life without the PCOS cloud hanging over my head!

I do hope anyone reading this who might suffer with similar things does not feel alone and knows that they are not a freak of nature! And please do holla at me if you know more about PCOS and your experience with it!

Thanks for reading and ciao for now xo